NO SUCH THING
A Zany, Snarky, Wild Ride Through Gratitude
A MILLION DOLLARS & YOUR MISSING PINKY
Pull up a chair.
Stretch.
Hydrate.
Because we are about to sprint into a gratitude message so zany you might actually lose a pinky. (Don’t worry, no million dollars under your chair anyway.)
Let’s start with a game called Rapid-Fire Questions, otherwise known as:
“Don’t think. Don’t pray. Don’t ask the holy neighbor next to you. JUST ANSWER.”
Ready?
Who wants more things?
More shiny things?
Stuff that sparkles?
Hands up.
Who wants more money? Like… a million dollars?
Hands HIGH. Unless, of course, you hate blessings or joy or sunshine.
If your hand is still down?
Sweetheart, blink twice if you need help. Because I PROMISE you, there’s no check taped to the underside of your seat.
Now let’s crank it up:
Work 10 extra hours for a million?
Still hands up. Obviously.20 hours?
Yep. Some of you volunteered before I even spoke.Travel a third of the year?
Some of y’all already DO — by choice.Travel for a whole year and ditch your family?
I saw three people start packing emotionally.Risk your life? One in 500 odds?
Hands up.One in 10?
We found the gamblers.Lie for a million?
Let’s be honest… half of y’all lied for free already.Cut off your pinky?
Please raise your remaining hand like THIS after surgery.
After seeing some of those hands go up…
I’m just glad you’re here.
You NEED this message.
Turn to your neighbor and say:
“PAY ATTENTION. YOU REALLY NEED THIS.”
WE ARE BLESSED… AND STILL COMPLAINING
Let’s be real… we’re a little dramatic.
The Whataburger Meltdown
You waited 3.5 minutes for a fresh, hot burger and almost needed professional counseling.
“How DARE they cook the meat? Just hand me the raw cow!”
But the drama continues…
The Blessed-But-Blind Tour of Our Lives
Car is paid off — aaand we complain about gas.
Hotel is paid for — aaand we complain it’s not home.
Room is clean — aaand we complain about sharing a sink.
Air-conditioned house — aaand we whine: “There’s nothing to eat.”
512 TV channels — “Nothing to watch.”
Closet overflowing — “Nothing to wear.”
We are SO blessed we upgrade things that WORK…
just because a shinier version exists.
Blessed.
But bratty.
It’s okay. Jesus still loves us… He’s just shaking His head a little.
THE TEN LEPERS — AND THE ONE GRATEFUL WEIRDO
(Luke 17:11–19)
Ten lepers stood at a distance because that’s what the law required.
These weren’t polite prayer requests like,
“Jesus… if You get a moment… when You’re not too busy walking on water…”
No.
They were SCREAMING from the bottom of their souls.
No hugs.
No handshakes.
No family dinners.
Just:
“UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”
And Jesus — in typical Jesus fashion — doesn’t even heal them on the spot.
He just says:
“Go show yourselves to the priests.”
And as they WALKED…
BOOM — HEALING.
Ten healed.
One returned.
Jesus takes roll call.
“Wait… hold on… where are the other nine?”
Ten got the miracle.
One gave the praise.
Which means the gratitude rate was 10%.
Jesus did all the work and got one Yelp review.
Declare it with your chest:
“I WANT TO BE THE ONE.”
THREE ZANY STATEMENTS THAT WILL FIX YOUR SOUL
Ready? These three could change everything.
STATEMENT #1 —
“DON’T LET GOD’S GIFTS BECOME GIVENS.”
We get used to blessings fast.
The Glowka Painting Example
Month one: “WOW! Look at this masterpiece!”
Month three: “Eh… it’s… wall art.”
The gift slowly becomes invisible.
What you stare at constantly… you stop seeing entirely.
James 1:17
“Every good and perfect gift is from above.”
Not Amazon.
Not Macy’s.
Not the Target Dollar Spot.
GOD.
God Gave It All
Noah got a blueprint and the ability.
Israel got bread from the sky and fire at night.
David got a stone with perfect aim.
Jonah got a fish Uber.
Mary got supernatural courage.
Wise men got a divine GPS.
And you?
Every. Single. Thing.
When gifts become givens… gratitude evaporates.
And entitlement starts growing mold.
STATEMENT #2 —
“I WILL NOT LET WHAT I WANT ROB ME OF WHAT I HAVE.”
We are professional scrollers of what-we-don’t-have.
Ecclesiastes 6:9
“Better what the eye sees than the roving appetite.”
Translation in 2025 English:
“Better your REAL life than your Instagram life.”
Elvis Mic-Drop
He had EVERYTHING — fame, money, influence, a mansion.
And yet he once said:
“I’d give a million dollars for one day of peace.”
Graceland made millions.
But its owner died empty.
Truth Bomb:
It’s not happy people who are grateful.
It’s grateful people who are happy.
Gratitude turns what you HAVE
into ENOUGH.
STATEMENT #3
“I’LL TURN EVERY BLESSING INTO PRAISE.”
If you don’t turn blessings into praise…
you WILL turn them into pride.
“I earned this.”
“I deserve this.”
“Nope. God gave it.”
Psalm 63:4–5
“I will praise You as long as I live…
I will be fully satisfied.”
Fully satisfied? In this economy?
Imagine that.
The Booky Story
Sun comes out.
Booky disappears.
Panic. Search party.
Did he drown? Was he kidnapped by seagulls?
Nope.
He casually strolls over a sand dune… adjusting his pants.
Booky didn’t drown.
Booky had to dooky.
And the relief? The PRAISE?
Oh, it was real.
The Gratitude Exercise
Want to get grateful?
Pretend you lost it:
Your job.
Your health.
Your spouse.
Your friend.
Your home.
Then imagine God gives it back.
Suddenly EVERYTHING feels like a miracle again.
Turn blessings → into praise.
Or blessings → into pride.
Your choice.
NO SUCH THING… AS A BAD DAY
A 53-year-old man fought cancer four times.
Four.
Rounds.
Pain.
Discomfort.
Exhaustion.
I will never forget this hospital visit when I asked him:
“Are you having a bad day?”
And he answers:
“Pastor…When they tell you that you have three months to live…
There is NO such thing as a bad day.”
Every sunrise is a gift.
Every breath is mercy.
Every moment is borrowed grace.
This is the day the Lord has made.
Rejoice.
Be grateful.
There is NO SUCH THING as a bad day this side of heaven.
Your call to action:
Choose gratitude.
Be the one.
Live like you recognize the blessing.
Because your worst day with Jesus is still better than your best day without Him.
The Best Is Yet to Come,
Rev. John Roberts
This was a wonderful message. To focus on gratitude in all things is so important! I loved all the parts of this message that are truly food for thought and ways in which to incorporate change into one’s core. To learn to see all things with gratitude is a goal wirth pursuing!