Saint Valentine Didn't Die For Chocolates!
A Biblical, cultural, slightly unhinged devotional for couples who want more than vibes...
The Legend (a.k.a. Not the Hallmark Version)
Saint Valentine did not float around with Cupid wings whispering “follow your heart.”
He was a Roman priest in the 3rd century under Emperor Claudius II, who decided—because emperors gonna emperor—that single men made better soldiers.
I mean single guys just fought with nothing to lose…while the married men often wanted to get back home.
Makes sense to me.
Solution?
Ban marriage.
Valentine’s response?
“Cool story, bro.”
And then he kept marrying couples anyway.
Secretly.
Illegally.
With full knowledge that Rome did not play about treason.
Spoiler: it did not end well for Valentine.
He was imprisoned, beaten, and executed.
This is the story Hallmark Channel never airs…
Tradition says his execution date was February 14.
That’s right—Valentine’s Day is literally a martyrdom anniversary.
Roses were not involved.
Blood was.
So when we reduce this man’s legacy to teddy bears and awkward prix-fixe dinners, heaven is absolutely rolling its eyes.
Love That Costs Something
Scripture does not romanticize love.
It weaponizes it.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
(John 15:13)
Valentine didn’t just feel love.
He defied an empire because he believed covenant mattered.
Marriage mattered.
Commitment mattered.
Biblical love is not “I fell in love.”
Biblical love is “I stayed.”
Paul doubles down in 1 Corinthians 13—not at weddings, but to a messy church full of drama:
Love is patient. Love is kind… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Notice what’s missing?
Chemistry
Butterflies
A soulmate montage
Because Scripture assumes feelings will fail eventually—and asks whether love will remain when they do.
Falling Is Easy. Growing Is Rare.
Let’s be honest.
Falling in love is not impressive.
You don’t train for it.
You don’t plan it.
You don’t even need good judgment.
You ever trip?
Drop your phone?
Lose your keys while holding them?
Exactly. Falling is accidental.
And falling in love? Same mechanism, better soundtrack.
You trip.
You vibe.
Someone laughs at your joke and suddenly your brain says, “I would die for this person.”
Dopamine immediately throws a rave.
Oxytocin shows up with snacks.
Norepinephrine hits the fog machine.
Your brain lights up like a Vegas slot machine—and research is deeply unimpressed by your “soulmate” theory.
Neuroscience tells us early-stage romantic love hijacks the reward system. The same circuits involved in addiction. Same dopamine spikes. Same impaired risk assessment.
Translation:
You are high.
Add early sex and now oxytocin—the bonding hormone—starts duct-taping emotional attachment to someone you objectively do not know yet.
Red flags?
Muted.
Incompatibility?
Irrelevant.
That uneasy feeling in your gut?
Your hormones voted it off the island.
Yes, this is peer-reviewed.
Yes, this is awkward.
Then the High Wears Off. Because Biology Has a Return Policy.
Here’s the part nobody puts on a throw pillow:
Feelings always fade
Passion stabilizes
Novelty dies
Reality clocks in
This is not failure.
This is design.
The brain cannot sustain constant chemical fireworks without frying itself.
So eventually dopamine packs up, oxytocin chills out, and your partner becomes—brace yourself—a human again.
And now you find out whether love was a feeling…or a skill.
Growing in Love Is a Skill Issue
Research says couples who last don’t “feel” more in love.
They behave more intentionally.
Decades of data (hello, John Gottman and friends ) show thriving couples do wildly unsexy things on repeat:
They turn toward each other in tiny moments instead of ignoring bids for connection
They repair fast after conflict instead of collecting receipts
They assume goodwill instead of assigning villain origin stories
They practice emotional regulation like it’s a spiritual discipline
No fireworks.
No magic words.
No destiny playlist.
Just reps.
Because love that lasts is not lightning.
It’s maintenance.
Which, Annoyingly, Is Very Biblical
Scripture never tells you to fall in love.
It tells you to:
Bear with one another
Forgive repeatedly
Be patient
Choose kindness
Persevere
Which sounds less like a rom-com and more like a long obedience in the same direction.
So if falling was easy for you—congrats.
Gravity works.
But growing?
That’s faith.
That’s discipline.
That’s where the miracle lives.
And Saint Valentine would like you to know:
That kind of love costs something.
Saint Valentine Energy for Today’s Couples
Saint Valentine reminds us that love:
Is chosen, not stumbled into
Requires courage, not convenience
Grows through sacrifice, not self-expression alone
Modern culture says: “If it’s hard, it’s wrong.”
Scripture says: “If it’s covenant, it’s worth the cost.”
Growing in love means:
Choosing patience when sarcasm would be easier
Choosing curiosity instead of contempt
Choosing forgiveness even when your pride is screaming for justice
It’s not dramatic. It’s not viral.
It’s holy.
Saint Valentine didn’t die so you could panic-buy a card at CVS!
He died because he believed love was worth defying power, fear, and comfort.
So this Valentine’s Day, maybe don’t ask:
“Do I still feel in love?”
Ask instead:
“Am I willing to practice love today?”
Because falling is gravity.
Growing is faith.
And staying?
That’s where the miracle lives!
Happy Saint Valentine’s Day Folks
Rev. John Roberts
Excellent and needed words laying out what real, mature love should be!