“So… How Much for a Little Adultery?”

Is their discount for certain sins?

A Devotional on Indulgences, Giving, and Why Selling Forgiveness Was a Bad Business Model (But Would Fund the Budget Instantly)

Let me tell you something from church history that sounds made up…
but absolutely is not.

Back in the Middle Ages, the Roman Catholic Church needed money.
Big money.
Cathedral money.
Ceilings-so-high-your-prayers-need-a-layover money.

So somebody in a meeting said,

“What if we raise funds… by selling forgiveness?”

And nobody stopped them.

Thus was born the indulgence.

Now, technically, an indulgence didn’t forgive your sin.
It reduced your punishment in purgatory.

Which is theological language for:
“You still did it… but we can shorten the sentence.”

Forgiveness became a layaway plan.

People could buy indulgences for sins they’d already committed.
And sometimes for sins they hadn’t even done yet.

Like you could prepay for sins, can you imagine?

Which means at least one guy in medieval Germany probably said,
“Father… hypothetically… what’s the going rate on adultery?”

And the priest said,
“That depends. Are we talking occasional or habitual?”

A preacher named Johann Tetzel went town to town with this slogan:
“As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, a soul from purgatory springs.”

That is not theology.
That is a jingle.
If heaven had marketing, this was a terrible ad campaign.

Martin Luther heard this and lost his monk mind.
He wasn’t mad about giving.
He was mad about selling mercy.

So he nailed 95 complaints to a church door like a sanctified Yelp review.

And boom.
Reformation.

All because forgiveness turned into a fundraiser.

Which brings me to my totally irresponsible idea…

What if we brought it back?

Not officially.
Just… hypothetically.
For Heritage.

Picture the table in the lobby:

Heritage Fundraiser: Sin Payment Chart

(Not Biblically Endorsed. Absolutely Imaginative.)

White lie – $5
Gossip – $10
Speeding “for ministry” – $20
Cheating on taxes – $75
Adultery – $500
Passive-aggressive prayer requests – $250
Judging worship style – $300
Posting vague angry Bible verses on Facebook – $1,000
Looking holy but being mean – premium package

Bulk rates available.
Family plans negotiable.
Confession kiosk now accepts tap-to-pay.

You walk in like:
“Father, I sinned.”

He says:
“Cool. Square or cash?”

We solved church funding in one bad idea.

Now obviously…we are not doing this.

Because forgiveness is not for sale. It never was.

Jesus did not die and say,
“Y’all Venmo Me.”

The medieval church confused giving with buying God.

And we’re not immune to that today.

We don’t say,
“How much is adultery?”

But we do say,
“God, if I give this much, can You not talk about that?”

Which is indulgences…with better branding.

Modern indulgences come with automatic draft.

The Bible calls giving a spiritual discipline.
Not a spiritual bribe.

It doesn’t get you off the hook. It puts you on the hook.

It trains your heart to trust God with something that feels powerful:
money.

Because Jesus knew your soul might love Him…but your checking account needs convincing.

There are three conversions, the heart, the mind, and the wallet…often in that order.

That’s why when Heritage talks about increasing giving, it’s not because God is short on cash.

It’s because moving forward costs something:
More ministry.
More mission.
More people.
More future.

You can’t fund vision with vibes.
Prayer is not a budget.

And here’s the real lesson from indulgences:

Trying to pay for forgiveness makes grace cheap.
But learning to give freely makes faith costly — in the right way.

One is fear-based.
The other is trust-based.

One says, “How little can I give and still be okay?”
The other says, “How much can I release and still believe?”

If forgiveness could be bought, rich people would be holier.

So no…
we’re not opening a sin kiosk in the lobby.

We’re not selling absolution with a QR code.

And we’re definitely not charging extra for Facebook arguments.

But we are being invited to give.

Not to escape judgment.
Not to earn grace.
Not to buy God’s mood.

But to shape our hearts. And to grow the church!

Because money will either be how you avoid God…
or how you trust Him.

And if Heritage is going to move forward,
it won’t be by selling forgiveness.

It’ll be by forming generous disciples who know grace is free but mission costs something.

Now…
if you feel led to donate for your gossip last week…

That’s between you and Jesus.

And the offering plate!

Rev. John Roberts